Spring is in the air! Birds are singing and flowers blooming. Spring reminds me of love, green grass and beautiful gardens.
It’s been a while since I’ve written. I promised myself to do better. There are no excuses. I often thought to sit down and write, nearly every day as matter of fact. I could say procrastination played a part. Maybe it did a little bit but certainly not for the whole month or more. There were probably a few contributing factors.
There were a couple of times when I thought of a great subject to write about but it turned out to be one I didn't want to publish. Huh? Should that have kept me from doing what I enjoy? Absolutely not! There were moments when I had to honor my reluctance to put pen to paper. Should I have pushed myself? I began to question myself so much that I decided to take a deeper look to see what was really going on with me. I've heard about people having fears of success or of what people think. Didn't think it would bother me much. After all, I wrote about not allowing what others think to stop me from living my life so shouldn't I be aware when I'm being affected by it? I thought so, but let's see, I was getting positive feedback from several folks about my blogs but there were many more that didn't respond at all. Could that be what was going on? Did I view at the silence as being some form of judgment? Umm, it was an interesting thought indeed.
After learning of the death of Whitney Houston I began to experience a disturbance in my spirit. It was such a tragedy, her death touched my soul. A myriad of feelings surfaced with such intensity that I retreated within myself. Motivation and inspiration to write waned and my writing stopped altogether. What the heck was going on? Reading the news, hearing the newscasters comments was depressing. I found myself getting angry with all of the speculation into her death. All the talk about how she got addicted, who could have stopped her, who caused it was too much and it was every where. No escape. Her death brought up many deep feelings for me, I cried a lot and decided not to participate in conversations regarding her death or addiction. I shut down mentally and as a result everything overwhelmed me.
I'm sure this was a huge factor for not writing. It's not comfortable to admit it either. Awkward! I have realized and honor my sensitivity to the pain of others and I've been made aware of how easy it is to judge (misjudge) others. I choose to no longer sit in judgment, it's too hurtful and harmful. This is a characteristic (in some circles it's called a character defect) that doesn't serve me or others in positive ways. Judging others is mean spirited, not beneficial and will stunt a persons growth. It's time for a change.
Each one of us are unique individuals, there is no one like you or me. No one can mimic or do things the way you or I do. I'm the best at being me. You are the best at being you. So when we judge someone we're basing our judgements on our own personal perceptions. We, in that moment, dishonor that persons uniqueness. There's a saying that I love, "Live and Let Live". I meditated on this phrase and have repeated slowly several times. I wanted to grasp the deep meaning behind these simple words. Fully understood, these words can change a life. It did mine. I don't have to be responsible for anyone elses decisions or choices. They get to choose how they live. I choose how I live. My choices will determine my decisions. So what's with all the judging? I can let it all go. I don't know everything and don't claim to. I am relieved of the pressure of thinking I know more about your life than you do, that my decisions for your life is better than yours. Nope. Not for me. Not anymore. Live and Let Live.
Self work & revelation is hard work, awkward, takes commitment, it's not easy and definitely not for wimps. I will say this too, it's worth every minute of it!! The other side is golden. And I'm all the better for it.
"My new favorite word is 'awkward'...The reason we need to be in search of awkward is that awkward is the barrier between us and excellence, between where we are and the remarkable. If "it" were easy, everyone would have done "it" already, and "it" wouldn't be worth the effort." - Seth Godin
