The Evolution of Marsha

Blog, Blag? A Bloggah? When it was first suggested I write a blog I immediately dismissed the idea as ridiculous, insane, pointless. My emotions were all over the place. Fear slowly drifted into the why nots, then all of a sudden the idea seemed intriguing. Who me, write a blog? Why not! Ok, I'm gonna be a blogger. Well, that lasted all of 30 seconds because the fear set in. The voice of resistance took over my enthusiasm and started telling me all the reasons I should not open that door.

What was my fear all about? Well let's see. I would be opening myself up to criticism. I would be getting naked in front of the world, strangers. And we all know that we don't talk to strangers much less get naked or get real with them. Years ago, after my first heartbreak, I was told to guard my heart, not to wear my heart on my sleeve so now I'm considering writing from my heart for the world to see? What kind of sense does that make?

Well, after looking at all of these uh, excuses, I had to stop and do some soul searching. Why such a deep fear to reveal who I am? The authentic Marsha. Am I ashamed of me? No I'm not, I think I'm pretty cool! Matter of fact I rock! But not in front of the whole world!

It seems such a dichotomy ~ I'm a ham in front of the camera especially when I'm having a really cute day, a day when it's all working together for my good. I'm there baby, snap, click that camera phone! But write from my heart and publish it for everyone to read? Just thinking about it makes me feel vulnerable, fearful and downright scared. Is it that I have done such a great job of guarding my heart that it's locked up like Fort Knox? Is that why I'm single? That I don't allow anyone access to my heart? Is it safer single? (that's another blog, haha!)... Is it safer to side-step the idea to blog? Is it safer to keep me and my area of genius to myself?

I've written in a diary or journal since I was 11-12 years old. I still write and let me tell you, I'm not a youngin! I've got some years. I've written short stories, poems and my inner most feelings about my life experiences (and there's plenty let me tell ya).
So I ask myself what's the big deal? I can take the leap of faith, trust the Divine, overcome my fear of putting me out there and Just Do It. My fear may feel real but it's not a reality. It's not my truth. False Evidence Appearing Real or F*** Everything And Run. Take your pick. F-E-A-R.

I'm not sure where blogging will lead but I'm certainly on my way. The barrier has been broken. Breaking Free!! Wuuuhuu! I must honor me and my purpose. In order to do that I have to take step by step into uncomfortable situations, consider new things and stand up for me. After all, things may initially be uncomfortable but the more I work it or show up for me, the uneasiness will diminish over time. Regarding getting real in front of strangers, aren't we all strangers at one time? If I never talked to a stranger I wouldn't know anyone ~ neither would you.

The more I acknowlege my being, my sweet perfection, the closer I'll get to my authentic self and I won't care who sees or criticizes or judges. I am an empowered person and will participate in things I like, I'll put energy into what I want energy from. POSITIVITY! (My coach, who is a beacon of light in the darkness, spoke those words to me and my spirit soaked them up). Thank you lady!

I'm showing up for me today. How about you? Who do you show up & shine for? If it's not for you then check yourself. I use to think I was honoring me, but have found that I was not. Now that I have that information, it's time for a change. My life is shifting, I'm changing lanes, I'm opening myself up to a different world. Evolving is a good word.

So, that's it, that's all. My first blog. Like it, love it, hate it. As a musical legend once sang:

I'm coming out
I want the world to know
Got to let it show.....
There's a new me coming out
And I just had to live
And I want to give
I'm completely positive
I think this time around
I am gonna do it.....
Oh, I'll make it through
The time has come for me
To break out of the shell
I have to shout
That I'm coming out

~marsha